There are many things involved in losing a loved one to substance use disorder, accidental overdose, and health issues brought on by use of damaging substances that complicate the grieving process for many of us. The type of loss we are experiencing is called Disenfranchised Grief, which is defined as “grief that persons experience when they incur a loss that is not or cannot be openly acknowledged, socially sanctioned or publicly mourned” (Doka, 1989)

Holidays and family gatherings are some of the most challenging dates on a calendar to navigate after losing a loved one while we may be feeling “disenfranchised grief.” These moments can be especially difficult as it triggers memories of family gatherings past and can intensify our feelings of loss. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to approach the holiday season or any time of the year for that matter. The truth is that every day we grieve our loved ones. That will never change.

Whether you are newly grieving or further down the journey of loss, everyone will approach family events and special occasions in their own unique way. What is important to remember is that we be present for our loss in whatever form the holidays do or don’t take. This is definitely a time to be gentle with yourself. Making sure you lower your expectations and share with others about what you need is important during this time. Give yourself permission to feel and experience anything that might come your way. Planning ahead for what you need is important. Sharing your plans with family and friends is essential, as they may not know how to support you through this time.

Everyone’s situation is unique. Here are some tips for coping with with grief:

Continue traditions that you enjoy and leave out those that you don’t,
Remind yourself that it’s okay to laugh as well as cry.
Talk with other bereaved people, family or friends to ask how they get through the holidays.
Write in your journal.
Look for unique ways to honour your loved one:
- make their favourite meal,
- listen to their favourite song,
- light a special candle with an intention,
- make a memorial planting in a garden,
- make a donation to a meaningful charity in their name,
- say a prayer at your place of worship,
- donate of your time at something that is important to you.

Just remember that these days may be some of the roughest terrains we will have to navigate after a loss. The important thing is to be present in whatever form that means to you. These days will happen whether we want them to or not, and we must live through them as part of our grief journey and in the memory of our loved ones.

Be kind and gentle with yourself and listen to your soul. It will guide you through the difficult days.

For further resources, please check out these links:

Healing Hearts with Moms Stop The Harm: Peer Bereavement Support Groups

Disenfranchised Grief: 64 Examples of Disenfranchised Grief

Gone Too Soon: Navigating Grief And Loss As A Result Of Substance Use Loss

64 Tips for Coping with Grief At The Holiday

Canadian Virtual Hospice: How To Survive The Holidays While You Are Grieving

Reference: Doka K. Disenfranchised Grief: Recognizing Hidden Sorrow. New York, NY: Lexington Books; 1989.